I started writing these posts some time ago as a venue to give me a place to express my feelings and frustrations. I wrote most of this post last night before I read Professor Richardson’s post today (link at the bottom of this post). After reading her post, what I wrote last night seems even more relevant – at least to me. Today, rather than focus on yet another tirade against Trump, William Barr, Mitch McConnell, or the many other toadies in Trump’s orbit, I thought I would just write about what I, personally, am feeling and thinking. Please excuse the self-indulgence. I know there is currently an epidemic of that going around.
I have been spending more and more time lately thinking about the possibly that Trump might win through the electoral college, through the House of Representatives, through the Supreme Court [ which will now be packed with Conservative judges] or through whatever means he can. (And after reading Professor Richardson’s post, it seems even more real.) I am pretty confident that Trump will not win the popular vote but there are multiple other ways he can squeeze out a victory. Or, even if he loses, he could refuse to relinquish power. That would certainly be something to watch. But if any of these scenarios happens, I keep wondering what, if anything, will I do.
It is hard for me to imagine what another four years under Trump will be like but none of the scenarios I envision are good. There is no doubt that there will be a continued roll back of all kinds of environmental regulations. With a packed Supreme Court, there could very well be roll backs to gay rights, women’s rights and civil rights in general. There is little doubt that Roe v Wade would be overturned. White supremacists would feel more emboldened and would become a bigger part of our culture than they already are. Trump would continue to pack the government with people whose sole qualification would be loyalty to him. And, no doubt, Attorney General Barr would embark on more misadventures to help Trump and his friends while at the same time using the DOJ to go after Trump’s real or perceived enemies.
There is a very real possibility that the ACA could be overturned or completely gutted, leaving millions of people without health insurance. And it is not out of the realm of possibility that Social Security and Medicare could see substantial cuts. It is also very possible that Trump could be emboldened enough to deploy even more Federal officers into cities, whether they are invited or not. We must not forget also, that Trump’s admiration for people like Putin could blossom into something even more sinister. In short, this could become a full-fledged authoritarian regime.
It’s not a pretty picture. This would not be the America I grew up in. So, the real question for me and what has been weighing on my mind is, “What would I do?” I am just not sure I am mentally prepared for another four years of watching Trump sow division and hate as he destroys this once proud country and we become, not a beacon of hope for the rest of the world, but a subject of ridicule, pity and scorn around the world.
Never before during my lifetime, have I felt so invested in an election. I have always voted and sometimes my candidate won and sometimes they lost but I never felt the desperation that I now feel. So, I keep asking myself what will I do.
Part of me says to just hunker down on my little acre near Bozeman and try to focus on other things and ride it out. I could take more welding classes and build large metal sculptures. I could build that waterwheel I have been threatening to build. I have been accepted to the Graduate School of Mathematics here at MSU to pursue my PhD which I have always regretted not getting but I deferred my acceptance for a year because of COVID. I could cloud my mind with mathematics to try to drowned out the political noise.
However, another part of me says that maybe its time to think about moving out of the country for a while. I have lived overseas before. I lived in Kuwait for a year and a half. I lived in France for 7 months. I have been fortunate to have travelled extensively and seen a lot of nice (and some not so nice) places in the world. Maybe its time to think about an extended ‘walkabout’ as they say Down Under. Maybe its time to find another small corner of the world, explore a different culture and find something else to write about.
There are some serious considerations that will factor into all of this. I won’t be going anywhere until this COVID mess gets under better control and there is, hopefully, and effective vaccine. And, of course, there is my daughter that I will need to think about. She will be graduating this coming spring and her plan is to head off to medical school – somewhere. There is also my house in Bozeman – sell it, lease it? I really like Bozeman and my house so that would be a tough decision.
I know this might all seem crazy but its not. Like I said, I just don’t know if I’m up for another 4 years of ‘Trumpism’. That’s how bad it has gotten. I just detest waking up every day knowing that, in all likelihood, another brick has been pulled from the foundation of our democracy. What adds to my distress even more is the number of people, inside and outside the government, who rabidly support and enable him. I have read at least four books written by people close to Trump and they all tell the same ugly story. I just don’t understand how people can support this man. In my opinion, he is just a much more dangerous version of Bernie Madoff who happens to have the nuclear codes.
I understand that every country has their own unique problems and no place is perfect. But maybe if Trump wins, it will just be good to have a change of pace for a while. I actually have books beside my bed about retiring in different countries around the world. I have never been one who was wedded to a particular place. I have lived happily in many different places – Montana, LA, San Jose, Hawaii, Kuwait, France, New York City – any place is just what you make of it.
In any case, that’s kind of where my head is now. It’s a pretty sad commentary on the state of the country these days. My guess is that there are others like myself who are having the exact same thoughts and it’s a formidable thing to contemplate. Would I really leave the country? Would I really uproot my whole life and head off to somewhere new? Who knows, I’ve done it before. How do you think I got to Montana?
My apologies again for the self-indulgent rant. But facts are facts, and those are the kind of thoughts that are rattling around in my head these days. I just know that if Trump wins reelection something in my life will have to change. I just refuse to do this for another four years. Stay tuned.
Letters from an American (Heather Cox Richardson)
“All tyranny needs to gain a foothold is for people of good conscience to remain silent.” James Madison. What’s sad is you and I, as well as many people, have not kept silent and have lost friends to this tyrant. James Madison should have said that tyranny gains a foothold when people have been presented the knowledge but refuse to gain wisdom through that knowledge.